Today I went to Home Depot because I needed two 5-gallon buckets.
I grabbed two buckets and began walking toward the checkout. One of the employees asked if I needed any help or if he could help me find something. I said, "No, thanks. I'm just filtering my headlight fluid so I'm good" and held up the two buckets like, duh, I have everything I need right here.
He just kind of stared at me and his face looked like his brain was melting and screaming "DOES NOT COMPUTE." I thought it was pretty clear that if headlight fluid were a thing it would obviously need to be filtered. With two orange, 5-gallon buckets. Makes complete sense.
So he kind of walks away in a daze and I walk away too.
I arrive at the self-checkout. Another employee asks me if I found everything I needed. I decide I want to continue my reign as the Queen of Confusion and I said, "Yep! I'm filtering my headlight fluid and just needed 2 more buckets." He looked at me in approximately the same way the other guy did. His eyes didn't cross, though.
Then I hear laughter from behind me. There is a guy behind me who must have heard our exchange and realized what was going on. He wasn't even chuckling to himself; he was straight up lol-ing as if he had witnessed Nack falling down the stairs and yelling "COMIN' IN HOT!" The employee said, "You're doing WHAT?!" and I just smiled. He then realized I was full of shit.
The guy behind me was still laughing as the employee walked away. I turned to him and asked, "How did you know I was full of shit the first time?" He said, "Well, you're wearing a staff shirt from a day camp so I figured you must have a sense of humor in order to work at a camp all day." I told him he was exactly right and I left.
Heh heh.
Out-of-Context Quotes, Bitches
JESUS WANTS YOU TO SHUT UP
There's ants.
HAMMERS!
NO! My prints are on that!
...You guys said there was cider?
Wait, so where's that cider?
