The roof garden is neither a roof nor a garden

I have this owie on my hand from wallyball. Here's a picture.

Every time I see it out of the corner of my eye, I think it's one of those stupid faux-ladybugs that plague both our dorm and the basement at home.

My first instinct? Slap it, of course!

I have been slapping my own hand ALL FREAKING DAY. Like the crazy lady I am inside.


In other news,

- I always forget Kristen is easily startled. Sometimes I sneeze loudly and she jumps and I feel bad because not everyone has lived with a Nack and a bird and a doog and my own self. But I think yelling "I'M GOING TO SNEEZE" might not help because the yelling is still scary-scary. I sowwy, Kristen.

- I almost vommed today in my Lit class. We were watching a video my professor took when he was traveling. The video was taken from a moving car. On a gravel road. Of other moving things. Quickly. As the car bounced separately from his hands that were holding the camera.
It didn't help that as I woke up this morning I almost knocked myself on my ass because I stood up too quickly as I got out of bed and I almost passed out. Just like my mother when she passed out thrice when the dog tried to jump onto the nightstand at 3 in the morning during a thunderstorm and cut his paw and was bleeding. But that's another story for another day.

- I hung out with my friend Elyse's mom for 5 hours on Saturday! This is not weird. I swear. I like her. Elyse had a tournament and it was here so her mama came to see her and I went to see her the end.

- Bex and I watched 5 episodes of Castle yesterday. It was just like old times. Old times = freshman year when we had nothing else to do. No Pokey Stix, though. Never again.

- I cut my nails this weekend SADFACE. But it's for a good reason. I'm accompanying Yashu when she sings Skyscraper. This performance is gonna go all the way to 11.

- Bones comes back on Thursday. It's supposed to rain on Thursday. When it rains, the Dish goes out.
If the Dish goes out on Thursday during Bones, all y'all will feel a disturbance in the force. I would say don't be alarmed but you maybe should be alarmed. Especially Nack.

Out-of-context Quotes from the Past Few Days:

Bex: "Is it 3-5 pages?"
Yashka: "No he said 4!"
Molly: "4 is between 3 and 5, honey."

"Every time you start laughing I automatically open a new tab on my computer."
Classical conditioning at its finest.

October Shenanigans

Notable (ridiculous) Things that have happened since I last posted that I can remember because my mind is not a safe place to keep things:

Bex and I taught ourselves Don't Forget by Demi Lovato.
In American Sign Language.

One of my Kindergardeners proposed to me.
I told him to ask me again in 20 years.

I had the honor of naming Mischka's Tumblr.

Bex broke her toe and has been gimpy. Her new nicknames are McGimpy and Gimp-dog (like Nard-dog but not).

The SQUAD spent Fall Break (all of one day off + a weekend = 3 whole days) at La Casa del Principi.
Name of the playlist for the drive up? SQUAD Car.
Kitties petted: 2
Puppies petted: 2
Nacks petted: 1
Hours spent Jamming: 4
Amount of food eaten: Insane
Hours spent Sporcling: Insane
Amount of fun had by all: Insane

My keys got jacked at IHOP. I almost cried. The worst part? I HAD 5 FULL COFFEE SHOPPE PUNCH CARDS IN MY KEY THING. 5 FREE COFFEES. IN THE METAPHORICAL SHITTER. And my Kruffy pocketknife. And my obnoxious pink holder thing. And the keys. MY COFFEE CARDS.
First pout hood sighting of the year.

Fantasy Football has been going surprisingly well. The Master gives me advice but I make the final decision all by myself (BRIAN. KANARA.) Sometimes picking players in order of least-clashing team colors to most-clashing team colors works. Sometimes it doesn't.

Mischka henna-ed my foot with a picture of Max. Including his wonky eye. Totes adorbs!

Variations of My Last Name (as said by my Kindergardeners)

Princess (I see no issue)
Princess-pi (I still see no issue)
Principally (So close yet so far)
Prin*mumble* (Doable)
Mrs. Other Teacher (I guess that works?)


Out-of-Context Quotes from the Past Few Weeks:

"MY KEYS WERE MY SOUL!"

"Don't fail me now, penis!

"What's Yashka's schedule for tomorrow?"
"Uhh...according to the board it's dragonfly, squiggle, 'IDK'?"
"Sounds like a busy day."

"STOP WRITING YOUR SCHEDULE IN F*CKING HIEROGLYPHICS."

"Who put a fork in the beads?"

"Mrs. Princess-pi?"
"Yes?"
"How old are you?"
"I'm 20. How old are you?"
"I'm 5."
"That's a good age. It's a whole hand!"
"Yeah. Good thing I have all my fingers today..."

"All my f*cks fell on the floor."
"Then get the  f*cks off the floor!"

I promise to be nice to Sforzando forever and ever

I just realized I never told the story of how I thought I broke Sforzando.

Sforzando is my printer. Why is his name Sforzando? I'm glad you asked.

In music, sforzando is a sudden, forceful accent. This is how Sforzando (the printer) prints. I click print and then nothing happens for a few seconds AND THEN SUDDENLY SFORZANDO IS LIKE "OH HEY GONNA PRINT NOW WANNA GO FAST GOTTA GO ANDIAMO LET'S PRINT GO GO GO LOUD PRINT PRINT PRINT ALL DONE NIGHT NIGHT CIAO BELLA " It's like all four shots of espresso in his venti vanilla nonfat latte suddenly hit him ALL AT ONCE AND HE'S FEELING GREAT BABIESSS EVERYWHERE (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6rE0EakhG8 for the uninformed). And then he crashes and goes to sleep.

I went to print something a few weeks ago and Sforzando started to make his usual YAY I DO PRINT FAST noises. But then, he sucked the paper in crooked at it all shot to the right and crumpled and he tried printing on the one tiny corner that made it through over and over again. I would attach a picture of the outcome but then I would have to go take the paper off the Fail Wall outside my dorm and that's a lot of work. 

So I said to myself, "Self, this is not good."

I thought maybe that I loaded the paper in stupidly and decided to give it another try. I took the stack of paper out and re-put it in and made sure it was in straight.

Sforzando, again, made his happy OKAY GONNA PRINT IT'S-A-ME, SFORZANDO! 

And proceeded to suck the paper in to the right, therefore crumpling it, and trying to print on the one corner that made it through. Well, shit.

I pull out the fail and immediately tape both fails on the Fail Wall. And then I open the hood and look to see if there's anything inside. I see nothing wrong. God damn it, Sforzando, why for you no work? Why for you are so angry?

I decide to take him home to have Nack try to fix him.

When I get home the following weekend, I hand him to Nack and say, "Sforzando is broken can you fix him? I think the puller-inner is wonky."

Nack says, "Okay." He is unfazed. He is used to this. He's my buddy.

I start to walk out of Nack's room when he says, "Hey. Come here. Come on! Come here! Up! Come up!" just like he was calling the dog to come see him because he dropped a handful of Cheerios. 

I look over and say, "What? You figured it out already? Do you have treats?"

Then he gives me this look he tends to give me. A lot. It's a mix between unamused and shame. Maybe I'll ask him to do the face so I can take a picture of it. I'm sure he'll do it a few times the next time I'm home.

He opens the back of the printer and tells me to look inside and tell me what's wrong with it.

"I have no idea! I don't know what it's supposed to look like!"

"Yes you do. Come look at this."

"Fine."

I go look at it.

Oh.

There was a long, dangly earring wrapped around the puller-inner. I may or may not have taken out my earrings, set them on the printer tray, forgot they were there, and then proceeded to try to print something. Then they got sucked in.

But there was only one earring in the back! I asked Nack if the other one was in there. I was half-joking.

He shakes the printer. 

Oh, look! The other one was in there too!

Nack proceeds to facepalm. 

I proceed to skip around happily because Sforzando is not broken! He just doesn't know how to accessorize.

I wore those earrings the rest of the weekend.

Out-of-Context Quotes from the past few days:

"This apple looks kinda gross. Hey, does anyone want an apple?"

"The upside down room or the thing from the other one before?"

"Get your spatula ready because you're about to FLIP a SHIT"