I promise to be nice to Sforzando forever and ever

I just realized I never told the story of how I thought I broke Sforzando.

Sforzando is my printer. Why is his name Sforzando? I'm glad you asked.

In music, sforzando is a sudden, forceful accent. This is how Sforzando (the printer) prints. I click print and then nothing happens for a few seconds AND THEN SUDDENLY SFORZANDO IS LIKE "OH HEY GONNA PRINT NOW WANNA GO FAST GOTTA GO ANDIAMO LET'S PRINT GO GO GO LOUD PRINT PRINT PRINT ALL DONE NIGHT NIGHT CIAO BELLA " It's like all four shots of espresso in his venti vanilla nonfat latte suddenly hit him ALL AT ONCE AND HE'S FEELING GREAT BABIESSS EVERYWHERE (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6rE0EakhG8 for the uninformed). And then he crashes and goes to sleep.

I went to print something a few weeks ago and Sforzando started to make his usual YAY I DO PRINT FAST noises. But then, he sucked the paper in crooked at it all shot to the right and crumpled and he tried printing on the one tiny corner that made it through over and over again. I would attach a picture of the outcome but then I would have to go take the paper off the Fail Wall outside my dorm and that's a lot of work. 

So I said to myself, "Self, this is not good."

I thought maybe that I loaded the paper in stupidly and decided to give it another try. I took the stack of paper out and re-put it in and made sure it was in straight.

Sforzando, again, made his happy OKAY GONNA PRINT IT'S-A-ME, SFORZANDO! 

And proceeded to suck the paper in to the right, therefore crumpling it, and trying to print on the one corner that made it through. Well, shit.

I pull out the fail and immediately tape both fails on the Fail Wall. And then I open the hood and look to see if there's anything inside. I see nothing wrong. God damn it, Sforzando, why for you no work? Why for you are so angry?

I decide to take him home to have Nack try to fix him.

When I get home the following weekend, I hand him to Nack and say, "Sforzando is broken can you fix him? I think the puller-inner is wonky."

Nack says, "Okay." He is unfazed. He is used to this. He's my buddy.

I start to walk out of Nack's room when he says, "Hey. Come here. Come on! Come here! Up! Come up!" just like he was calling the dog to come see him because he dropped a handful of Cheerios. 

I look over and say, "What? You figured it out already? Do you have treats?"

Then he gives me this look he tends to give me. A lot. It's a mix between unamused and shame. Maybe I'll ask him to do the face so I can take a picture of it. I'm sure he'll do it a few times the next time I'm home.

He opens the back of the printer and tells me to look inside and tell me what's wrong with it.

"I have no idea! I don't know what it's supposed to look like!"

"Yes you do. Come look at this."

"Fine."

I go look at it.

Oh.

There was a long, dangly earring wrapped around the puller-inner. I may or may not have taken out my earrings, set them on the printer tray, forgot they were there, and then proceeded to try to print something. Then they got sucked in.

But there was only one earring in the back! I asked Nack if the other one was in there. I was half-joking.

He shakes the printer. 

Oh, look! The other one was in there too!

Nack proceeds to facepalm. 

I proceed to skip around happily because Sforzando is not broken! He just doesn't know how to accessorize.

I wore those earrings the rest of the weekend.

Out-of-Context Quotes from the past few days:

"This apple looks kinda gross. Hey, does anyone want an apple?"

"The upside down room or the thing from the other one before?"

"Get your spatula ready because you're about to FLIP a SHIT"