Florida: it's either about poop or the end of the world

It's time.

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And here's your bonus content!

Profanity-laden Inappropriate Christmas Quotes (that didn't make the cut)

Dad: My butt hurts.

Molly: Need a (Bengay) patch?

Dad: HELL NO!

Mom: Rectum, hell, nearly killed him!


She went to Costco and bought paper towels instead of toilet paper. So now we have paper towels coming out our asses and no toilet paper to wipe them with!


It was like a f***ing rainstick of rosary beads!

I should just go without brushing my teeth. F*** them! LOOK AT MY CORN TEETH, BITCHES.

That’s not manure. Someone stockpiled ASS.

Would it help if I shit on your lap?

STOP HOOKING SHIT ON YOUR PANTS!

Wonder bread? What the OH TATAS!

Mother, I am NOT sexting you.

Drugs. How nice!

No more burritos!

Why?

I had to take a walk. Because I couldn't stop farting.

You were farting so much you had to leave?

Yes. Also because of the intensity.

Holy shit.

Almost.

Bonus pictures!

These peeps were a minimum of 2 years old. So we put them into marshmallows we were melting for Rice Krispie treats. They look like they're drowning. In marshmallows, no one can hear you scream!

Also, this happened. Nack is in the process of falling out of the tree.

This is the dog laying in the sun. With his giant pink wiener.

And here's the Santa hat picture from last year. Because it's still ridiculous.

Here is another bonus (I'm just filled with bonii (bonuses? I like bonii). I will give a background story for up to three (3) Christmas Quotes from either the actual letter or the bonus Profanity-laden Inappropriate Christmas Quotes. You just have to ask nicely and answer the following ridiculous questions. Answer in a comment or on Facebook. Leave your answers and your background requests. The three quotes with the most requests will be 'splained.

1) What is my favorite color?

2) What is the dog's feminine protection-related nickname?

3) The basement steps are 

    a) floral

    b) treacherous

    c) cursed

    d) all of the above

Bonus bonus: If you answer the following question, I will give you an explanation of anything from the letter (that is not currently under litigation) and it won't count toward your final grade or the three (3) Quote explanations.

Short Answer

Pick from the following lead (or important) characters, or choose one of equal or similar merit, and explain why he or she is the best character. Extra credit will be awarded for relevant, obscure TV references made within your essay. No bashing other characters without specific evidence of why they suck. Choose your own criteria. (Ex. prettiness, badassness, girl power-ness, funniness, overall awesomeness, etc.) There is no minimum length; you're done when you feel like you've answered the question.

Kate Beckett                               Richard Castle                              

Leroy Jethro Gibbs                      Seeley Booth

Lisa Cuddy                                  Gregory House

Temperance Brennan                   Ziva David                                

                               

  

=D