We're gonna need a bowl of wine and 3 bendy straws.

It's Christmas break, people. I am happy. Even though I have to go back on the third (yes, January 3rd) while everyone else gets to dick around until late January, (not bitter) (okay, maybe a little bitter) (FINE, I'M BITTER) it's still Christmas break! There is a lot of couch that needs to get warmed by my ass. And lots of bad fanfiction that needs to be read and posted on Bex's wall. And lots of naps to be taken with the dog. And lots of food to be eaten sans dog. 

Sidebar: The dog really likes cheese popcorn.

I'm writing this post to get y'all excited about this year's letter. I will be posting the original online. I will also be posting BONUS CONTENT.

Online-exclusive content will include:

- Inappropriate Christmas Quotes

- Profane Christmas Quotes

- Bonus pictures

- Bonus stories

Get excited.

Out-of-Context Quotes from the Past Few Days:

"Why are there penis slices all over the room?"

"No, it's green. Make it less, yes?"

"Hey do you have any Q-tips with you?"

"...why?"

"I'm wondering if my ears are bleeding."

"I found the other rawhide."

"Where was it?"

"Not sure where it was originally but I found it in my hair this morning."

"Whitney called. She asked if it was you. I said yes. It's just easier that way."

"Umm...I don't have my glasses OR my license. Maybe someone else should drive."

"Would you wear flannel boxers? They're really soft."

"Probably?"

"Good. Because I already bought them."