Saturday:
My cousin, my aunt, my grandmother and I went SHOPPING. We went to Old Navy and annihilated the clearance (because I have the gift) and then we went to DSW. My grandma had three coupons for DSW so we HAD to find something. BOOTS. I GOT BOOTS. They're Beckett-esque and badass. THEY CAME IN WIDE and I was super happy and I may have even skipped around the store a little bit. We get to the counter and my grandmother starts looking through her purse for the coupons. Aaaaand they're gone. What the hell? She digs through each pocket and finds all of her coupons for other places, but the ones for DSW have vanished. My aunt even went back to the car to see if she dropped them on the floor, or if they were on the seat or in a cup holder or something.
Nothing.
What the hell? We watched her put them in her purse!
Did they vaporize?
Unlikely.
Did they fall to the bottom?
Nope.
Did they get all wadded up in a corner?
Nope.
They're not in the envelope with all the other ones?
Nope.
Well, shift. So we decide to get the shoes and just use the coupons another time. IF WE EVER FIND THEM.
Maybe we left them at Old Navy? We go back Old Navy and ask. They didn't find any coupons.
We give up and go back to the house. My aunt decides to check the car one more time because there is NOWHERE else they could be. Meanwhile, my grandma dumps out her purse to see if they were in there. They weren't. But we did find a teeny-tiny wrench, dental floss, various gift cards, keys, and a prescription med bottle. My aunt comes back from looking in the car as my grandma goes downstairs to see what the boys are doing (probably something with the computer).
She found them.
They were in the little pocket thingie on the inside of the passenger door. Who would have thought to look there? The little pocket thingie on the inside of Trudy is full of napkins, bank envelopes, and granola bar wrappers.
My aunt decides to stick them into my grandma's purse so when she comes back, we can ask her for something out of her purse and then she'll see them and think she's nuts. What a wonderful idea! She comes back and my aunt makes up some ridiculous story about how she needs a teeny-tiny wrench to fix something on the car.
My grandma looks through her purse to find the wrench. She glosses over the coupons.
Well, shit. That did not go as planned.
Wait! She also needs dental floss. Just because.
My grandma goes back through her purse to find the dental floss. Again, she glosses over the coupons.
At this point, we can't keep a straight face anymore. My cousin and I started laughing and my grandma finally realized what was going on. There was evil afoot and it was beautiful.
How nice.
Sunday:
We met my parents about an hour from wherever the hell they were and hit the road. The drive back was much shorter (un-stupid weather!)
We get back home and I proceed to start stalling. Because I do NOT want to get back in the car for another two hours to drive back to IWU.
Eventually I drive back to IWU with my two Costco-sized bags of Babybel cheese, sheet music, and two extraordinary rugs.
You know, the important things.
Out-of-Context Quotes from the weekend:
"THOSE TABLES DON'T EVEN MATCH!"
"And how did you determine it was mouse poop?"
"Flavor."
"And THEN they can all come in and piss on Nack's shoes!"
"Who is that?"
"Uhh... those were all me"
"NO!"
"Yes?"
"NO WAY!"
Friday, September 30, 2011
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
A watch inside a pocket inside a coat inside a closet
Guys. I love weekends.
"No shit," you say.
"Yes shit," I say in response.
What has happened since the last time I felt the urge to write things down (aka avoiding homework)?
Wednesday:
Studying for the Rocks test. Kristen and I spent a solid 7 hours working our way through powerpoints and making up ridiculous mnemonic devices. I even got Nack into one of them! We started losing our minds around midnight. That's when I stopped. Once the word "felsic" became funny, I thought it was time to stop.
Thursday:
Taking the Rocks test. It was...okay. I HATE TESTS. THEY ARE THE OPPOSITE OF WEEKENDS. But we didn't have lab because Kristen and I made the excellent decision of watching the Rocks movies earlier in the school year so we didn't have to stay for lab! So I left to go home around 2:45 instead of 6! The first two hours of the drive were fantastical. The last 40 minutes (which should have been about 13) were brutal. I hit RUSH HOUR. Which is a stupid name. It should be called SWEARING HOUR(S). 294 and I have always been on pretty good terms. Except during swearing hour(s). But I got home. Max was angry with me and shunned me as usual. He suddenly loved me again when he saw that I was eating a cookie, though. Un-shun. Then I went to pick him up. Re-shun. Damn it.
Friday:
Going to Michigan! But before we left, I had many necessary things I needed to get accomplished. Like going to Panera (necessary), and going to Costco and getting two bags of Babybel (completely necessary), and going to the bank (also necessary), and going to Starbucks (partially necessary), and going to Charming Charlie (legitimately necessary because I needed to get presents).
Then we left for Michigan. It usually takes about 5 hours to get there and since we lose an hour to the time change, it's more like 6. It took us 6 actual hours of driving. Stupid traffic. Stupid rain. Stupid dresses (Nack). Stupid construction. We stopped at a random Jimmy Johns for sammiches and potty for Sirs Acorn Bladder and Shit Volume Adjustment. BUT we arrived and Nana had snacks (a given) so Nack and I snacked. So did my parents but I wanted to say Nack and snack in the same sentence.
We were sitting at the table talking when Mensa Mama asked, "Does anyone else hear an alarm going off?" We didn't but we decided to listen for it. Me, Nack, Mensa Mama, and my father all heard it. My grandparents did not. It was really faint and sounded almost like a watch going off inside a coat pocket inside a closet. But it wasn't a watch going off. Because it went off every minute. It beeped six times every minute. And it was blowing my mind. We walked around the whole first floor trying to figure out where the hell the beeping was coming from.
Maybe it's coming from the basement and we could hear the sound through the air vents?
Nope. Can't hear it any louder when you put your face next to the vents.
Maybe it's coming from the basement in one of the smaller rooms?
Nope. Can't hear it at all in the basement.
Maybe it's coming from the other side of the house!
Nope. Can't hear it on the far side of the house.
Maybe it's actually coming from a watch inside a coat inside a closet!
Nope. Can still hear it, but not coming from any of the closets.
Where do you hear it the loudest? Nowhere. It is not loud anywhere. It's just faint enough to be annoying and is DRIVING ALL 4 OF US UP A WALL.
Where do you hear it most often? When we're in the kitchen or in the family room. But not the bathroom or any of the bedrooms and bathrooms on the other side.
Okay.
Where do you hear it loudest from WITHIN THE KITCHEN?
By the pantry! What the hell could be beeping in the pantry?
The alarm system! There's some cords and lights inside the pantry! Surely this must be it.
.
..
...
....
.....
....
...
..
.
Nope. Not coming from the pantry. We did find Cheerios, though.
But I hear it when I stand by the pantry! And I hear it when I stand by the minibar in the family room! And I hear it from the dining room but only some of the time! I hear it on the couch in the family room! But it's not loud! WHAT THE HELL.
Mensa Mama and Dad give up. They go to bed. Molly gives up and goes downstairs. Nack and grandparents do NOT give up because Nana is freaking out because she can't hear it.
NACK DISCOVERS THE SOURCE OF THE BEEPING.
It's the drawer fridge IN the minibar. There is a little light that should be green and it was red. We don't know WHY it was beeping but we think it was left open just enough that it sensed that the door was open and was reminding you to close it, but it was closed enough to muffle the sound of the alarm.
WE'RE NOT CRAZY (IN THIS SCENARIO)! REJOICE! 40 MINUTES LATER WE HAVE DISCOVERED THE BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP EVERY MINUTE FRIDGE-IS-KINDA-OPEN-ISH-ALARM!
Ridiculous.
I shall tell the rest of the story of my weekend in another post because this is long and words are hard sometimes. I should also maybe work on some homework...
"No shit," you say.
"Yes shit," I say in response.
What has happened since the last time I felt the urge to write things down (aka avoiding homework)?
Wednesday:
Studying for the Rocks test. Kristen and I spent a solid 7 hours working our way through powerpoints and making up ridiculous mnemonic devices. I even got Nack into one of them! We started losing our minds around midnight. That's when I stopped. Once the word "felsic" became funny, I thought it was time to stop.
Thursday:
Taking the Rocks test. It was...okay. I HATE TESTS. THEY ARE THE OPPOSITE OF WEEKENDS. But we didn't have lab because Kristen and I made the excellent decision of watching the Rocks movies earlier in the school year so we didn't have to stay for lab! So I left to go home around 2:45 instead of 6! The first two hours of the drive were fantastical. The last 40 minutes (which should have been about 13) were brutal. I hit RUSH HOUR. Which is a stupid name. It should be called SWEARING HOUR(S). 294 and I have always been on pretty good terms. Except during swearing hour(s). But I got home. Max was angry with me and shunned me as usual. He suddenly loved me again when he saw that I was eating a cookie, though. Un-shun. Then I went to pick him up. Re-shun. Damn it.
Friday:
Going to Michigan! But before we left, I had many necessary things I needed to get accomplished. Like going to Panera (necessary), and going to Costco and getting two bags of Babybel (completely necessary), and going to the bank (also necessary), and going to Starbucks (partially necessary), and going to Charming Charlie (legitimately necessary because I needed to get presents).
Then we left for Michigan. It usually takes about 5 hours to get there and since we lose an hour to the time change, it's more like 6. It took us 6 actual hours of driving. Stupid traffic. Stupid rain. Stupid dresses (Nack). Stupid construction. We stopped at a random Jimmy Johns for sammiches and potty for Sirs Acorn Bladder and Shit Volume Adjustment. BUT we arrived and Nana had snacks (a given) so Nack and I snacked. So did my parents but I wanted to say Nack and snack in the same sentence.
We were sitting at the table talking when Mensa Mama asked, "Does anyone else hear an alarm going off?" We didn't but we decided to listen for it. Me, Nack, Mensa Mama, and my father all heard it. My grandparents did not. It was really faint and sounded almost like a watch going off inside a coat pocket inside a closet. But it wasn't a watch going off. Because it went off every minute. It beeped six times every minute. And it was blowing my mind. We walked around the whole first floor trying to figure out where the hell the beeping was coming from.
Maybe it's coming from the basement and we could hear the sound through the air vents?
Nope. Can't hear it any louder when you put your face next to the vents.
Maybe it's coming from the basement in one of the smaller rooms?
Nope. Can't hear it at all in the basement.
Maybe it's coming from the other side of the house!
Nope. Can't hear it on the far side of the house.
Maybe it's actually coming from a watch inside a coat inside a closet!
Nope. Can still hear it, but not coming from any of the closets.
Where do you hear it the loudest? Nowhere. It is not loud anywhere. It's just faint enough to be annoying and is DRIVING ALL 4 OF US UP A WALL.
Where do you hear it most often? When we're in the kitchen or in the family room. But not the bathroom or any of the bedrooms and bathrooms on the other side.
Okay.
Where do you hear it loudest from WITHIN THE KITCHEN?
By the pantry! What the hell could be beeping in the pantry?
The alarm system! There's some cords and lights inside the pantry! Surely this must be it.
.
..
...
....
.....
....
...
..
.
Nope. Not coming from the pantry. We did find Cheerios, though.
But I hear it when I stand by the pantry! And I hear it when I stand by the minibar in the family room! And I hear it from the dining room but only some of the time! I hear it on the couch in the family room! But it's not loud! WHAT THE HELL.
Mensa Mama and Dad give up. They go to bed. Molly gives up and goes downstairs. Nack and grandparents do NOT give up because Nana is freaking out because she can't hear it.
NACK DISCOVERS THE SOURCE OF THE BEEPING.
It's the drawer fridge IN the minibar. There is a little light that should be green and it was red. We don't know WHY it was beeping but we think it was left open just enough that it sensed that the door was open and was reminding you to close it, but it was closed enough to muffle the sound of the alarm.
WE'RE NOT CRAZY (IN THIS SCENARIO)! REJOICE! 40 MINUTES LATER WE HAVE DISCOVERED THE BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP EVERY MINUTE FRIDGE-IS-KINDA-OPEN-ISH-ALARM!
Ridiculous.
I shall tell the rest of the story of my weekend in another post because this is long and words are hard sometimes. I should also maybe work on some homework...
Sunday, September 18, 2011
I'll take History Can "S"uck It for 2000, Alex
My roommates and I have been really into forts lately.
Bex made my bed into a fort for my birthday. Then, Kristen made her bed into a fort because Yashka was jealous of MY fort because Yashka has a top bunk and Kristen made her own bed into a fort just to make sure Yashka knew how awesome forts are.
Oh and the forts are made of light blue streamers.
We have also been really into Wii Jeopardy lately.
We played eight rounds of Wii Jeopardy this weekend. Six of them were in one sitting that lasted well into the morning. There was much yelling and much rejoicing. We played a few with my mustache Mii but then we tried one with cat-shirt Jesus. And then he became lucky so we started to play ALL of the rounds with cat-shirt Jesus.
Kristen and I went to Presser twice (possibly thrice) this weekend and it was wondiferous. I don't know how or why she can handle me strugglebussing through various Gather book songs. I am almost done with Skyeescraper, though. I sort of play what's written but most of it is made up. I wrote some things down this time, though. Like a big girl. I finally nailed the bridge.
All of my pieces of technology decided to lose their respective shit this weekend.
Sforzando, my printer, no longer sucks in paper correctly. It tries to suck the paper in, then it shoots to the right and crumples and tries to print on the one corner of the paper that actually made it through. Over and over again. He has lost his shit.
Tiva, my laptop, has decided that my scroll thingie on the right side of the scroll pad is unnecessary. Some of the time. She also thinks that volume control is optional. She's fine after I make her take a nap, though. She too has lost her shit.
Dr. Addy, my phone, has decided that it no longer wants to send or receive picture messages. Just because he was jealous of Sforzando and Tiva for getting all the attention. He has lost his shit.
One of the Wii remotes (are they actually called wii-motes or did I make that up?) decided it would not charge on the charger unless I pushed down on it. Kind of like some games wouldn't start on N64 unless you blew on them then held them down, pushed a little bit forward, double-tapped the reset button, then turned the console off and on. Or was that just mine? It has lost its shit.
Trudy's okay, though. She has been very nice to me. She probably feels bad because her brother-husbands and sister-wives have lost their shit.
Things I have Learned this weekend:
- Alex Trebek's suit changes each round
- He looks good in charcoal
- Don't put the computer players on Expert
- Don't put the computer players on Expert and also put the questions on Expert
- Round 6 is much more difficult than Round 2
- All are Welcome is bullshit
- City of God is less bullshit but 6/4 time makes still a bit bullshit
- Kristen may or may not be my spirit animal
- Yashka is not allowed to have french vanilla cappuccino from Saga ever ever again
- It is possible to hurt yourself in your sleep
- The only kind of bad dancing involves lack of enthusiasm, not lack of talent
- I get a little bit weirder when Bex is gone
- It is possible to watch 3 hours of Animal Planet on mute if there are frolicking puppies and kitties
- Wearing rain boots will make it not rain
- Not wearing rain boots will make it rain
- Ames has children's books
- Technology does not respond to profanity
Out-of-context Quotes from the Weekend:
"My life has cats on it."
"You have a cool fort and everything...F*** YOU!"
"I have a fort too. Look!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOO"
"Oh so I can't say juicy-ass shorts but you can say GRINCH SOCKS"
"Yes because juicy-ass shorts is inappropriate."
"No, like, why would it even come up?!"
"Because you're weird. Arm-licking."
"IT WASN'T EVEN MY FAULT"
"I feel like I have stoner eyes..."
"Stone eyes?"
"No, stoner eyes"
"...What does that mean? Like you have stones in your eyes?!"
"I will only play Monopoly with my husband. It's like the lace shorts. Southern accent."
Bex made my bed into a fort for my birthday. Then, Kristen made her bed into a fort because Yashka was jealous of MY fort because Yashka has a top bunk and Kristen made her own bed into a fort just to make sure Yashka knew how awesome forts are.
Oh and the forts are made of light blue streamers.
We have also been really into Wii Jeopardy lately.
We played eight rounds of Wii Jeopardy this weekend. Six of them were in one sitting that lasted well into the morning. There was much yelling and much rejoicing. We played a few with my mustache Mii but then we tried one with cat-shirt Jesus. And then he became lucky so we started to play ALL of the rounds with cat-shirt Jesus.
Kristen and I went to Presser twice (possibly thrice) this weekend and it was wondiferous. I don't know how or why she can handle me strugglebussing through various Gather book songs. I am almost done with Skyeescraper, though. I sort of play what's written but most of it is made up. I wrote some things down this time, though. Like a big girl. I finally nailed the bridge.
All of my pieces of technology decided to lose their respective shit this weekend.
Sforzando, my printer, no longer sucks in paper correctly. It tries to suck the paper in, then it shoots to the right and crumples and tries to print on the one corner of the paper that actually made it through. Over and over again. He has lost his shit.
Tiva, my laptop, has decided that my scroll thingie on the right side of the scroll pad is unnecessary. Some of the time. She also thinks that volume control is optional. She's fine after I make her take a nap, though. She too has lost her shit.
Dr. Addy, my phone, has decided that it no longer wants to send or receive picture messages. Just because he was jealous of Sforzando and Tiva for getting all the attention. He has lost his shit.
One of the Wii remotes (are they actually called wii-motes or did I make that up?) decided it would not charge on the charger unless I pushed down on it. Kind of like some games wouldn't start on N64 unless you blew on them then held them down, pushed a little bit forward, double-tapped the reset button, then turned the console off and on. Or was that just mine? It has lost its shit.
Trudy's okay, though. She has been very nice to me. She probably feels bad because her brother-husbands and sister-wives have lost their shit.
Things I have Learned this weekend:
- Alex Trebek's suit changes each round
- He looks good in charcoal
- Don't put the computer players on Expert
- Don't put the computer players on Expert and also put the questions on Expert
- Round 6 is much more difficult than Round 2
- All are Welcome is bullshit
- City of God is less bullshit but 6/4 time makes still a bit bullshit
- Kristen may or may not be my spirit animal
- Yashka is not allowed to have french vanilla cappuccino from Saga ever ever again
- It is possible to hurt yourself in your sleep
- The only kind of bad dancing involves lack of enthusiasm, not lack of talent
- I get a little bit weirder when Bex is gone
- It is possible to watch 3 hours of Animal Planet on mute if there are frolicking puppies and kitties
- Wearing rain boots will make it not rain
- Not wearing rain boots will make it rain
- Ames has children's books
- Technology does not respond to profanity
Out-of-context Quotes from the Weekend:
"My life has cats on it."
"You have a cool fort and everything...F*** YOU!"
"I have a fort too. Look!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOO"
"Oh so I can't say juicy-ass shorts but you can say GRINCH SOCKS"
"Yes because juicy-ass shorts is inappropriate."
"No, like, why would it even come up?!"
"Because you're weird. Arm-licking."
"IT WASN'T EVEN MY FAULT"
"I feel like I have stoner eyes..."
"Stone eyes?"
"No, stoner eyes"
"...What does that mean? Like you have stones in your eyes?!"
"I will only play Monopoly with my husband. It's like the lace shorts. Southern accent."
Saturday, September 10, 2011
You Raise Me MEOW
Wins of the weekend:
Meeting my Kindergarten chillins
2 shirts from Old Navy for $1.97 each
Fusion Brew
Yummy Yummy Chicken + smoothie combo
Bex raising up a rank
Seeing a man who looked like Ricky Gervais at Bex's rank raising upping
Bible Jamz
Getting the wireless to work
Schnazberry
Drew Brees.
What the WTFs of the weekend:
Watching The Clique
2 hour dance party
3 hour bad singing party immediately following the 2 hour dance party
Singing Skyscraper a minimum of 5 times
Watching/listening to Yashu strugglebus Skyscraper a minimum of 5 times
Buying the sheet music to Skyscraper
Transposing the sheet music to Skyscraper
Going to Presser for 2 1/2 hours to work on Skyscraper
Meowing instead of singing to all the sheet music in my binder
Bible Jamz
Strugglebusses of the weekend:
Re-transposing Skyscraper in my head as I played it
City of God (still kicking my ass)
Bible Jamz
Realizing tomorrow is homework day.
Out-of-context Quotes of the Day:
"It was a f***ing rainstick of rosary beads."
"SQUAD"
"YES"
"OMG IT EVEN HAS QUAD IN IT"
"...I THOUGHT THAT WAS WHY YOU SAID IT"
"NO I WAS THINKING POLICE"
Glossary:
Bible Jamz- when Kristen and I go into a coffin-like practice room and I play the random Gather book songs and she has flashbacks
Schnazberry- Sam and Shanaynay's new fish (RIP Dante)
Yummy Yummy Chicken- chicken teriyaki from the mall food court Japanese place. Yummy Yummy Chicken originated at Randhurst (RIP Randhurst)
Drew Brees- 3 touchdowns and 419 yards (RIP Brian's ass)
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