Florida: it's either about poop or the end of the world

It's time.

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And here's your bonus content!

Profanity-laden Inappropriate Christmas Quotes (that didn't make the cut)

Dad: My butt hurts.

Molly: Need a (Bengay) patch?

Dad: HELL NO!

Mom: Rectum, hell, nearly killed him!


She went to Costco and bought paper towels instead of toilet paper. So now we have paper towels coming out our asses and no toilet paper to wipe them with!


It was like a f***ing rainstick of rosary beads!

I should just go without brushing my teeth. F*** them! LOOK AT MY CORN TEETH, BITCHES.

That’s not manure. Someone stockpiled ASS.

Would it help if I shit on your lap?

STOP HOOKING SHIT ON YOUR PANTS!

Wonder bread? What the OH TATAS!

Mother, I am NOT sexting you.

Drugs. How nice!

No more burritos!

Why?

I had to take a walk. Because I couldn't stop farting.

You were farting so much you had to leave?

Yes. Also because of the intensity.

Holy shit.

Almost.

Bonus pictures!

These peeps were a minimum of 2 years old. So we put them into marshmallows we were melting for Rice Krispie treats. They look like they're drowning. In marshmallows, no one can hear you scream!

Also, this happened. Nack is in the process of falling out of the tree.

This is the dog laying in the sun. With his giant pink wiener.

And here's the Santa hat picture from last year. Because it's still ridiculous.

Here is another bonus (I'm just filled with bonii (bonuses? I like bonii). I will give a background story for up to three (3) Christmas Quotes from either the actual letter or the bonus Profanity-laden Inappropriate Christmas Quotes. You just have to ask nicely and answer the following ridiculous questions. Answer in a comment or on Facebook. Leave your answers and your background requests. The three quotes with the most requests will be 'splained.

1) What is my favorite color?

2) What is the dog's feminine protection-related nickname?

3) The basement steps are 

    a) floral

    b) treacherous

    c) cursed

    d) all of the above

Bonus bonus: If you answer the following question, I will give you an explanation of anything from the letter (that is not currently under litigation) and it won't count toward your final grade or the three (3) Quote explanations.

Short Answer

Pick from the following lead (or important) characters, or choose one of equal or similar merit, and explain why he or she is the best character. Extra credit will be awarded for relevant, obscure TV references made within your essay. No bashing other characters without specific evidence of why they suck. Choose your own criteria. (Ex. prettiness, badassness, girl power-ness, funniness, overall awesomeness, etc.) There is no minimum length; you're done when you feel like you've answered the question.

Kate Beckett                               Richard Castle                              

Leroy Jethro Gibbs                      Seeley Booth

Lisa Cuddy                                  Gregory House

Temperance Brennan                   Ziva David                                

                               

  

=D

We're gonna need a bowl of wine and 3 bendy straws.

It's Christmas break, people. I am happy. Even though I have to go back on the third (yes, January 3rd) while everyone else gets to dick around until late January, (not bitter) (okay, maybe a little bitter) (FINE, I'M BITTER) it's still Christmas break! There is a lot of couch that needs to get warmed by my ass. And lots of bad fanfiction that needs to be read and posted on Bex's wall. And lots of naps to be taken with the dog. And lots of food to be eaten sans dog. 

Sidebar: The dog really likes cheese popcorn.

I'm writing this post to get y'all excited about this year's letter. I will be posting the original online. I will also be posting BONUS CONTENT.

Online-exclusive content will include:

- Inappropriate Christmas Quotes

- Profane Christmas Quotes

- Bonus pictures

- Bonus stories

Get excited.

Out-of-Context Quotes from the Past Few Days:

"Why are there penis slices all over the room?"

"No, it's green. Make it less, yes?"

"Hey do you have any Q-tips with you?"

"...why?"

"I'm wondering if my ears are bleeding."

"I found the other rawhide."

"Where was it?"

"Not sure where it was originally but I found it in my hair this morning."

"Whitney called. She asked if it was you. I said yes. It's just easier that way."

"Umm...I don't have my glasses OR my license. Maybe someone else should drive."

"Would you wear flannel boxers? They're really soft."

"Probably?"

"Good. Because I already bought them."

Dances with Sticks: What is Yashu?

It rained during my entire drive home on Tuesday (the WHOLE thing!). But it was okay.

There was a mini-van in front of me for a while. There were at least three kids in the back (maybe four). We both got in the left lane to pass a tut. But this was not any tut. This was a tut that carries C-A-Rs. This particular tut was full of Volkswagen Beetles. I look through the windshield and see fists FLYING ALL OVER THE PLACE in the mini-van. Ultimate punch buggy opportunity? I think so. I laughed.

It made driving in the rain totally worth it.

My mother and I watched giant slugs race through an obstacle course when I got home. That was nice. They were climbing over and through all kinds of obstacles! And sharp things! Their slime prevents them from getting impaled by a bed of nails! Think about that one. Visualize it.

My dad gets +10 points for not letting the turkey bag touch the heating element of the oven this year. I appreciated the lack of burning plastic. No fires this year!

Nack went to this computer place (it has a name) for some ridiculous Black Friday stuff at 5am. I did not join him. I did have to look for a hidden sticker though. I didn't even get a prize when I found it.

We got a new Christmas light 3-D thing. It's an igloo and two penguins. Now my dad wants a polar bear so we can put one of the penguins in its mouth.

Now on to the story you're all here for!

My dad had to go to Walgreens to get chocolate Advent calendars on Sunday. My mother and I were hanging ornaments on the tree (she hangs normal ones, I hang the ugly handmade ones, she takes the ugly ones down, I hang the ones with missing limbs, she takes the ones with missing limbs down and throws them at me, etc.) when the house phone rang. I went to answer it. I saw it was my Dad's cell phone number and proceeded to hand it to my mother. It's not unusual for him to call us from the driveway. Especially if he's on his way to the airport. But he wasn't on his way to the airport; he was on his way to Walgreens. I figured he probably forgot why he went to Walgreens and was calling to ask why he was there.

My mother answers the phone. I hear her say, "What? You what? Are you in the driveway?"

He is not in the driveway. He is at Walgreens, duh.

I only hear one end of this conversation but I know it's a good one because at one point she says, "Do you need me to send your daughter? She has small hands."

Oh, yes. This is going to be a HELL of a story.

Mensa Mama ends the conversation. I look up at her and ask, "Uhh...why do we need my hands and where am I going?"

I have to wait a few minutes for an answer because she's laughing so hard she can't breathe, much less speak.

My father was preparing to exit his vehicle. He unbuckled the seat belt and took his keys out of the ignition. Somehow, he dropped his keys between hit seat and the middle thingie (it has a name but the name is irrelephant). Okay. When he went to try to stick his hand between the seat and the thingie, he accidentally locked the doors. He had yet to open his door, so he just locked himself into his car. And because he locked it, if he tried to unlock it from the inside and open the door, he would set off his alarm. And if he set off the alarm, he couldn't make it stop because his keys are stuck between the seat and the thingie.

So he strugglebusses to reach the keys and ends up pushing them farther into the crevasse where everyone loses important things like pen caps and coins and eyeliner and Marshmallow Mateys.

So he decides to call my mother.

She asks him if she should just bring him the extra keys. That would be a genius idea.

Except that the extra keys are in about 17 pieces on the counter because something was hinky and Nack was going to "fix" them. Months ago. So the extra keys are not an option.

She asks him if she should send ME to Walgreens so I can use my small hands and get the keys. That does not solve the whole setting-off-the-incredibly-loud alarm problem. He would still have to open the door from the inside and set off the alarm.

She asks him if he has any hangers in his car. He doesn't.

She makes him hang up and not call the police to help him because all they're going to do is laugh at him.

Did I mention that now all the windows are fogged up?

He ends up using a pen and some creative profanity to free the keys. He calls us back to tell us he got them and I don't have to go to Walgreens with a hanger and a stick of butter.

The best part?

Walgreens didn't even have any f***ing Advent calendars.


Out-of-Context Quotes from the Past Few Days

"I'll be there in 20. Not that it matters because we sleep in separate beds..."

"So there's a girl behind you wearing a red shirt."
"Okay."
"I need you to look over there..."
"And?"
"And tell me if she combed her hair today."

"Oh. This is Grandma-ma's umbrella. I should give it back to him."
"Maybe that's why he's so insecure!"

"Eyebrows. Eyebrows are weird."

"It smells like candy corn and cat pee over here. What the hell happened?!"

"And THAT is how you lay a mofo OUT." (Karl!)

Yashuglyphica

I don't really have any epic stories from this week.

I'm trying out a new nickname for Yashu. We'll see how it goes.

I drew a wreath on our schedule board and that was apparently not allowed and I had to wear a "WREATH MAKER" dunce hat (made of green paper with a star on top) and sit on the barstool with my guilty dog face. Glyph will upload the picture eventually. I WAS JUST FEELING SOME CHRISTMAS SPIRIT, OKAY?

I may have had coffee too late in the day yesterday so I was up late. But it ended up being good because Nitty needed help with analyzing a poem and my caffeine-induced, late-night Crazy came out and we ended up with a pretty bitchin' extended metaphor. Then I started crashing and telling him that haters gonna hate and critics gonna criticize and may have used a Ke$ha song title to explain myself. But before that it was good.

One of my Kindergarteners asked me why I was wearing "kid shoes." I had my pink floral tennis shoes on.

"Am I too old to wear kid shoes?"

"How old are you?"

"20"

"Yep. You're a teacher; you can't wear kid shoes!"

"But I know how to tie the laces!"

"Yeah because you're not allowed to be a teacher if you don't know how to tie your shoes! That's one of the first things of being a big kid."

Whatever, dude.

I just have a lot of stellar Out of Context Quotes for this week.

"She's like, 'This sucks. Imma try to fix it I guess. Wash thy face.' then later she's all like 'Well, I'm too poor anyway so f*** it, send thee out the door, critics gonna criticize (haters gonna hate) this is my shit.' She can't change her work just like she can't change a child; We R Who We R."

"You’re tired."

"You know what is a f***ing good song? Greatest Love of All by Whitney Houston."

"I hate humans! My butt is so sore!"

"You need to study! You can’t spend all your time hunting humans!"

"It looks like a double-ended penis."

"Hey Nack is it bad if Tiva feels hot to the touch on the sides?"

"Yes."

"Can you fix it?"

"Nope."

"Why not?"

"I'm like a hundred and fifty miles away."

"...accepted."

"Do you know how to clean the fan?"

"Yeah. You flip it over,"

"Okay,"

"And then unscrew the screws,"

"Nope. Not happening."

"Didn't think so."

"Where's your iPod?"

"It's syncing."

"You know what you should name...

"THE TITANIC."

"YOU RUINED IT."

*Molly sticks her unshaven leg out for Yashu to see*

Yashu: "OH MY GOD. I'M EATING!"

"Did you hear Yashu's latest insult? She called her 'White Girl.' It was almost as good as when she called me 'Lemon Shorts.'"

"We can go to the paint place!"

"CHINATOWN!"

"What's the difference between 'affect' and 'effect'"?

"Affect- action. Effect- thing."

"No one has ever explained it that simply before."

"Boom. Roasted."

"Sometimes when you're writing something all of a sudden it derails and turns to something else and you just decide to roll with it instead of fixing it. Like a Pandora station gone horribly wrong. Anne Bradstreet = hinky Pandora station."

Like a Skyscraper

Sometimes I listen to a song, decide I don't really like it, and switch to something else.

Sometimes I listen to a song, decide I don't really like it, yet continue to listen to it.

Sometimes I listen to a song, decide I don't really like it, but become helplessly addicted to it for no good reason.

When Situation Number 3 happens, I usually feel the need to drag others down with me so I don't have to suffer alone.

This is how we ended up with the events of this weekend. 

What happened this weekend? Yashu sang Skyscraper in an insane Indian accent while I accompanied her on an electric keyboard. At an open mic night. In front of actual people. In between actual performers. On a stage. At U of I. In a bar.

How did we get to this point?

It all started when I first heard Skyscraper sometime in September. It was Situation Number 3 until it all went horribly, horribly wrong. Somehow I used my powers for evil instead of good and introduced the ridiculousness to Yashu, Bex, and Kristen. When Bex was gone for a while, I learned the hard way that my weirdness gets a little out of hand. I put the song and the lyrics on Yashu's wall. We continuously listened to Skyscraper and Yashu began to sing along. There was one problem: the highest note in the song was really f***ing high and Yashu (and the rest of us) couldn't come close to hitting it without pulling something and breaking a few windows. So I had a brilliant idea.Get the sheet music and transpose it!

I bought the sheet music and transposed it so it was moved down a little. We had to find a key where the high note was still okay and the lowest parts weren't too low. Done.

I started practicing. Yashu started practicing. We weren't practicing for anything in particular; we just wanted to be able to to this because...actually I have no idea why. We just had to.

Bex returns. Suddenly, I have the song almost down, Yashu knows almost all the words, and Kristen and I choreographed an unnecessarily interpretive dance. It had officially reached about an 8 or a 9 on the ridiculous scale. 

By mid-October, I had the song down and even rewrote and added to it because I'm lazy and tend to half-ass what's in front of me and play what seems close yet not write it down because I'm convinced I'll remember it and then I don't. I wrote down the bridge this time, though.

We performed an early version for Mensa Mama and Nack at m house over Fall Break. This was about the time when we decided it would be much better if Yashu sang in an Indian accent. At first, we thought maybe she could start out without an accent and when the song started to build up, her accent could just suddenly come out. But it was easier for her to just sing the whole thing in the accent instead of switching into it. Even better.

The open mic night came up. We suddenly had a reason to practice. There was an event! We could do it at the event! It all started coming together.

Yashu and I practiced. Separately, of course.

The day of the event, we decided it was probably a good idea to legitimately practice together. We ran through it a few times. It was ridiculous. 

And then we went to U of I. We got up on stage, I faked her out by playing a few notes to test the keyboard, and then it started. She did her crazy eyes, her crazy accent, and some surprise crazy gesturing. It was wonderful. Especially because everyone in the bar had NO IDEA WHAT WAS HAPPENING. Yashu hadn't spoken at all, so everyone there who didn't know her had no idea if it was serious or not. Everyone from our group of friends and her group of friends were laughing their asses off but the people there for the open mic night looked a little dazed and confused. It was perfect.

The best part? We thought ahead and had people get video. There's a shaky one and a still one (good foresight, Sam). They're on Facebook.

It went all the way to 11.

What else went all the way to 11? The rest of my weekend (minus right now because I'm procrastinating).

Post-ridiculousness, I brilliantly decided to stay with Trixie so I didn't have to drive back. I mostly wanted to see her and rationalized it by thinking it would be smarter to just stay there instead of driving back at night.

I pick her up and we decide we need some snackage. We go to the grocery store and realize we have no idea what we want to eat and kind of browse a little bit. We walk through the aisle with rice and I see arborio rice. OMG we're totally going to make risotto. It's no longer a want; it's a need. We grab all the necessary ingredients (including Rachael Ray chicken stock because Rachael Ray is a need) and some less necessary ingredients like pineapple and ice cream and garlic bread and make our way back to her apartment.

Making risotto from scratch at 10pm on a Friday night? Don't mind if I do!

I successfully wung (winged? wung? I like wung) my way through the risotto, Trixie heated up the garlic bread in the bag that we weren't completely confident wasn't going to burst into flames, and we started the DVD player. Did I mention we were going to have a mini-House marathon? We ate our derishious, classic Principi food (and honored Mensa Mama by drinking her favorite beverage) and watched 5 episodes of House. 

Well, 4. We both kind of food coma-ed our way through the fifth episode.

I woke up partway through the 5th episode, saw Tritter on the screen (10 points if you can tell me what season we watched), shuddered, and went back to sleep. He's scary scary  like doot-da-doos and pool balls.

We slept in until 11 the next morning (duh) and went to Starbucks (duh) because Christmas Cups started on November 1st (duh).

We were sitting at a table and I was facing the windows. We were almost done when I suddenly felt like I had to look out the window.

Sidebar: These things happen sometimes. Junior year I was in APLAC (I think) when I suddenly felt like I had to look out the window. I walked over to the windows, looked outside, and saw my mother walking up through the parking lot and into the front doors. This was before she volunteered in Campus Ministry so she had no reason to be there and I had no reason to know she was there. It was creepy. My cousin called his mother to go home sick but because she was working, my mother went to get him instead. I couldn't have known that. I just felt like I had to look out the window and I did and it was weird. Twilight Zone theme!

Back on track.

I looked out the window at Starbucks. There's a group of people walking by. I saw the side of a girl's face and said, "Wow she looks like Caroline!" I kept staring at her. The group stopped to talk to someone so I kept creepily staring at her. She didn't turn toward the window, though, so I couldn't see her face straight on. It totally looked like Caroline, though! The face was right, the hair was right, the outfit was right, the body was right (I know my wife, people) but it couldn't be because Caroline doesn't go to U of I! I even asked Trixie if she thought the girl looked like Caroline. I decided to humor myself and call her. I watch bizzarro-world Caroline as the phone rings and I don't see her move to pick up her phone or anything. But Caroline answers her phone.

Molly: "Uhh...are you at U of I right now?"

Caro: "...Yes? Why?"

Molly: "HOLY F*** TURN AROUND AND LOOK IN THE WINDOW OF THE STARBUCKS."

Caro: "WHAT?!"

She whips around and I run out the door. Holy shit. IT IS CAROLINE. MY WIFE IS OUTSIDE THE STARBUCKS. WHAT THE PISS?! NEITHER ONE OF US GOES TO THIS SCHOOL YET WE'RE BOTH HERE ON THE SAME STREET AT THE SAME TIME AT THE SAME ESTABLISHMENT AND I HAPPENED TO LOOK UP AS SHE WAS WALKING BY. HOLY PISS.

We screamed a little bit (lotta bit), hugged, and then went our separate ways. She had to be somewhere with the rest of her group and I had to go back to Trixie because I had to take her back and leave because I had to be back on campus to give a tour.

Twilight Zone theme again!

Best weekend ever?

I think so.

Out-of-Context Quotes from the Past Few Days:

"Were you go run run running?"

"I was rowing with one paddle!"

"Now there's a car in my garage with no brakes."

"I thought the car was in Casey's mailbox."

"Hey, do you need any penis animals?"

"Nope I'm all set for now."

*Molly drops her keys*

*Molly drops her keys again*

"It's because they're blue."

"I'M GLAD YOU UNDERSTAND ME, YASHU."

The roof garden is neither a roof nor a garden

I have this owie on my hand from wallyball. Here's a picture.

Every time I see it out of the corner of my eye, I think it's one of those stupid faux-ladybugs that plague both our dorm and the basement at home.

My first instinct? Slap it, of course!

I have been slapping my own hand ALL FREAKING DAY. Like the crazy lady I am inside.


In other news,

- I always forget Kristen is easily startled. Sometimes I sneeze loudly and she jumps and I feel bad because not everyone has lived with a Nack and a bird and a doog and my own self. But I think yelling "I'M GOING TO SNEEZE" might not help because the yelling is still scary-scary. I sowwy, Kristen.

- I almost vommed today in my Lit class. We were watching a video my professor took when he was traveling. The video was taken from a moving car. On a gravel road. Of other moving things. Quickly. As the car bounced separately from his hands that were holding the camera.
It didn't help that as I woke up this morning I almost knocked myself on my ass because I stood up too quickly as I got out of bed and I almost passed out. Just like my mother when she passed out thrice when the dog tried to jump onto the nightstand at 3 in the morning during a thunderstorm and cut his paw and was bleeding. But that's another story for another day.

- I hung out with my friend Elyse's mom for 5 hours on Saturday! This is not weird. I swear. I like her. Elyse had a tournament and it was here so her mama came to see her and I went to see her the end.

- Bex and I watched 5 episodes of Castle yesterday. It was just like old times. Old times = freshman year when we had nothing else to do. No Pokey Stix, though. Never again.

- I cut my nails this weekend SADFACE. But it's for a good reason. I'm accompanying Yashu when she sings Skyscraper. This performance is gonna go all the way to 11.

- Bones comes back on Thursday. It's supposed to rain on Thursday. When it rains, the Dish goes out.
If the Dish goes out on Thursday during Bones, all y'all will feel a disturbance in the force. I would say don't be alarmed but you maybe should be alarmed. Especially Nack.

Out-of-context Quotes from the Past Few Days:

Bex: "Is it 3-5 pages?"
Yashka: "No he said 4!"
Molly: "4 is between 3 and 5, honey."

"Every time you start laughing I automatically open a new tab on my computer."
Classical conditioning at its finest.

October Shenanigans

Notable (ridiculous) Things that have happened since I last posted that I can remember because my mind is not a safe place to keep things:

Bex and I taught ourselves Don't Forget by Demi Lovato.
In American Sign Language.

One of my Kindergardeners proposed to me.
I told him to ask me again in 20 years.

I had the honor of naming Mischka's Tumblr.

Bex broke her toe and has been gimpy. Her new nicknames are McGimpy and Gimp-dog (like Nard-dog but not).

The SQUAD spent Fall Break (all of one day off + a weekend = 3 whole days) at La Casa del Principi.
Name of the playlist for the drive up? SQUAD Car.
Kitties petted: 2
Puppies petted: 2
Nacks petted: 1
Hours spent Jamming: 4
Amount of food eaten: Insane
Hours spent Sporcling: Insane
Amount of fun had by all: Insane

My keys got jacked at IHOP. I almost cried. The worst part? I HAD 5 FULL COFFEE SHOPPE PUNCH CARDS IN MY KEY THING. 5 FREE COFFEES. IN THE METAPHORICAL SHITTER. And my Kruffy pocketknife. And my obnoxious pink holder thing. And the keys. MY COFFEE CARDS.
First pout hood sighting of the year.

Fantasy Football has been going surprisingly well. The Master gives me advice but I make the final decision all by myself (BRIAN. KANARA.) Sometimes picking players in order of least-clashing team colors to most-clashing team colors works. Sometimes it doesn't.

Mischka henna-ed my foot with a picture of Max. Including his wonky eye. Totes adorbs!

Variations of My Last Name (as said by my Kindergardeners)

Princess (I see no issue)
Princess-pi (I still see no issue)
Principally (So close yet so far)
Prin*mumble* (Doable)
Mrs. Other Teacher (I guess that works?)


Out-of-Context Quotes from the Past Few Weeks:

"MY KEYS WERE MY SOUL!"

"Don't fail me now, penis!

"What's Yashka's schedule for tomorrow?"
"Uhh...according to the board it's dragonfly, squiggle, 'IDK'?"
"Sounds like a busy day."

"STOP WRITING YOUR SCHEDULE IN F*CKING HIEROGLYPHICS."

"Who put a fork in the beads?"

"Mrs. Princess-pi?"
"Yes?"
"How old are you?"
"I'm 20. How old are you?"
"I'm 5."
"That's a good age. It's a whole hand!"
"Yeah. Good thing I have all my fingers today..."

"All my f*cks fell on the floor."
"Then get the  f*cks off the floor!"

I promise to be nice to Sforzando forever and ever

I just realized I never told the story of how I thought I broke Sforzando.

Sforzando is my printer. Why is his name Sforzando? I'm glad you asked.

In music, sforzando is a sudden, forceful accent. This is how Sforzando (the printer) prints. I click print and then nothing happens for a few seconds AND THEN SUDDENLY SFORZANDO IS LIKE "OH HEY GONNA PRINT NOW WANNA GO FAST GOTTA GO ANDIAMO LET'S PRINT GO GO GO LOUD PRINT PRINT PRINT ALL DONE NIGHT NIGHT CIAO BELLA " It's like all four shots of espresso in his venti vanilla nonfat latte suddenly hit him ALL AT ONCE AND HE'S FEELING GREAT BABIESSS EVERYWHERE (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6rE0EakhG8 for the uninformed). And then he crashes and goes to sleep.

I went to print something a few weeks ago and Sforzando started to make his usual YAY I DO PRINT FAST noises. But then, he sucked the paper in crooked at it all shot to the right and crumpled and he tried printing on the one tiny corner that made it through over and over again. I would attach a picture of the outcome but then I would have to go take the paper off the Fail Wall outside my dorm and that's a lot of work. 

So I said to myself, "Self, this is not good."

I thought maybe that I loaded the paper in stupidly and decided to give it another try. I took the stack of paper out and re-put it in and made sure it was in straight.

Sforzando, again, made his happy OKAY GONNA PRINT IT'S-A-ME, SFORZANDO! 

And proceeded to suck the paper in to the right, therefore crumpling it, and trying to print on the one corner that made it through. Well, shit.

I pull out the fail and immediately tape both fails on the Fail Wall. And then I open the hood and look to see if there's anything inside. I see nothing wrong. God damn it, Sforzando, why for you no work? Why for you are so angry?

I decide to take him home to have Nack try to fix him.

When I get home the following weekend, I hand him to Nack and say, "Sforzando is broken can you fix him? I think the puller-inner is wonky."

Nack says, "Okay." He is unfazed. He is used to this. He's my buddy.

I start to walk out of Nack's room when he says, "Hey. Come here. Come on! Come here! Up! Come up!" just like he was calling the dog to come see him because he dropped a handful of Cheerios. 

I look over and say, "What? You figured it out already? Do you have treats?"

Then he gives me this look he tends to give me. A lot. It's a mix between unamused and shame. Maybe I'll ask him to do the face so I can take a picture of it. I'm sure he'll do it a few times the next time I'm home.

He opens the back of the printer and tells me to look inside and tell me what's wrong with it.

"I have no idea! I don't know what it's supposed to look like!"

"Yes you do. Come look at this."

"Fine."

I go look at it.

Oh.

There was a long, dangly earring wrapped around the puller-inner. I may or may not have taken out my earrings, set them on the printer tray, forgot they were there, and then proceeded to try to print something. Then they got sucked in.

But there was only one earring in the back! I asked Nack if the other one was in there. I was half-joking.

He shakes the printer. 

Oh, look! The other one was in there too!

Nack proceeds to facepalm. 

I proceed to skip around happily because Sforzando is not broken! He just doesn't know how to accessorize.

I wore those earrings the rest of the weekend.

Out-of-Context Quotes from the past few days:

"This apple looks kinda gross. Hey, does anyone want an apple?"

"The upside down room or the thing from the other one before?"

"Get your spatula ready because you're about to FLIP a SHIT"

Quick! Put them in her purse!

Saturday:

My cousin, my aunt, my grandmother and I went SHOPPING. We went to Old Navy and annihilated the clearance (because I have the gift) and then we went to DSW. My grandma had three coupons for DSW so we HAD to find something. BOOTS. I GOT BOOTS. They're Beckett-esque and badass. THEY CAME IN WIDE and I was super happy and I may have even skipped around the store a little bit. We get to the counter and my grandmother starts looking through her purse for the coupons. Aaaaand they're gone. What the hell? She digs through each pocket and finds all of her coupons for other places, but the ones for DSW have vanished. My aunt even went back to the car to see if she dropped them on the floor, or if they were on the seat or in a cup holder or something.

Nothing.

What the hell? We watched her put them in her purse!

Did they vaporize?
Unlikely.
Did they fall to the bottom?
Nope.
Did they get all wadded up in a corner?
Nope.
They're not in the envelope with all the other ones?
Nope.

Well, shift. So we decide to get the shoes and just use the coupons another time. IF WE EVER FIND THEM.

Maybe we left them at Old Navy? We go back Old Navy and ask. They didn't find any coupons.

We give up and go back to the house. My aunt decides to check the car one more time because there is NOWHERE else they could be. Meanwhile, my grandma dumps out her purse to see if they were in there. They weren't. But we did find a teeny-tiny wrench, dental floss, various gift cards, keys, and a prescription med bottle. My aunt comes back from looking in the car as my grandma goes downstairs to see what the boys are doing (probably something with the computer).

She found them.

They were in the little pocket thingie on the inside of the passenger door. Who would have thought to look there? The little pocket thingie on the inside of Trudy is full of napkins, bank envelopes, and granola bar wrappers.

My aunt decides to stick them into my grandma's purse so when she comes back, we can ask her for something out of her purse and then she'll see them and think she's nuts. What a wonderful idea! She comes back and my aunt makes up some ridiculous story about how she needs a teeny-tiny wrench to fix something on the car.

My grandma looks through her purse to find the wrench. She glosses over the coupons.

Well, shit. That did not go as planned.

Wait! She also needs dental floss. Just because.

My grandma goes back through her purse to find the dental floss. Again, she glosses over the coupons.

At this point, we can't keep a straight face anymore. My cousin and I started laughing and my grandma finally realized what was going on. There was evil afoot and it was beautiful.

How nice.

Sunday:

We met my parents about an hour from wherever the hell they were and hit the road. The drive back was much shorter (un-stupid weather!)

We get back home and I proceed to start stalling. Because I do NOT want to get back in the car for another two hours to drive back to IWU.

Eventually I drive back to IWU with my two Costco-sized bags of Babybel cheese, sheet music, and two extraordinary rugs.

You know, the important things.


Out-of-Context Quotes from the weekend:

"THOSE TABLES DON'T EVEN MATCH!"

"And how did you determine it was mouse poop?"
"Flavor."

"And THEN they can all come in and piss on Nack's shoes!"

"Who is that?"
"Uhh... those were all me"
"NO!"
"Yes?"
"NO WAY!"

A watch inside a pocket inside a coat inside a closet

Guys. I love weekends.

"No shit," you say.
"Yes shit," I say in response.

What has happened since the last time I felt the urge to write things down (aka avoiding homework)?

Wednesday:
Studying for the Rocks test. Kristen and I spent a solid 7 hours working our way through powerpoints and making up ridiculous mnemonic devices. I even got Nack into one of them! We started losing our minds around midnight. That's when I stopped. Once the word "felsic" became funny, I thought it was time to stop.

Thursday:
Taking the Rocks test. It was...okay. I HATE TESTS. THEY ARE THE OPPOSITE OF WEEKENDS. But we didn't have lab because Kristen and I made the excellent decision of watching the Rocks movies earlier in the school year so we didn't have to stay for lab! So I left to go home around 2:45 instead of 6! The first two hours of the drive were fantastical. The last 40 minutes (which should have been about 13) were brutal. I hit RUSH HOUR. Which is a stupid name. It should be called SWEARING HOUR(S). 294 and I have always been on pretty good terms. Except during swearing hour(s). But I got home. Max was angry with me and shunned me as usual. He suddenly loved me again when he saw that I was eating a cookie, though. Un-shun. Then I went to pick him up. Re-shun. Damn it.

Friday:
Going to Michigan! But before we left, I had many necessary things I needed to get accomplished. Like going to Panera (necessary), and going to Costco and getting two bags of Babybel (completely necessary), and going to the bank (also necessary), and going to Starbucks (partially necessary), and going to Charming Charlie (legitimately necessary because I needed to get presents).
Then we left for Michigan. It usually takes about 5 hours to get there and since we lose an hour to the time change, it's more like 6. It took us 6 actual hours of driving. Stupid traffic. Stupid rain. Stupid dresses (Nack). Stupid construction. We stopped at a random Jimmy Johns for sammiches and potty for Sirs Acorn Bladder and Shit Volume Adjustment. BUT we arrived and Nana had snacks (a given) so Nack and I snacked. So did my parents but I wanted to say Nack and snack in the same sentence.

We were sitting at the table talking when Mensa Mama asked, "Does anyone else hear an alarm going off?" We didn't but we decided to listen for it. Me, Nack, Mensa Mama, and my father all heard it. My grandparents did not. It was really faint and sounded almost like a watch going off inside a coat pocket inside a closet. But it wasn't a watch going off. Because it went off every minute. It beeped six times every minute. And it was blowing my mind. We walked around the whole first floor trying to figure out where the hell the beeping was coming from.

Maybe it's coming from the basement and we could hear the sound through the air vents?
Nope. Can't hear it any louder when you put your face next to the vents.

Maybe it's coming from the basement in one of the smaller rooms?
Nope. Can't hear it at all in the basement.

Maybe it's coming from the other side of the house!
Nope. Can't hear it on the far side of the house.

Maybe it's actually coming from a watch inside a coat inside a closet!
Nope. Can still hear it, but not coming from any of the closets.

Where do you hear it the loudest? Nowhere. It is not loud anywhere. It's just faint enough to be annoying and is DRIVING ALL 4 OF US UP A WALL.

Where do you hear it most often? When we're in the kitchen or in the family room. But not the bathroom or any of the bedrooms and bathrooms on the other side.

Okay.

Where do you hear it loudest from WITHIN THE KITCHEN?
By the pantry! What the hell could be beeping in the pantry?

The alarm system! There's some cords and lights inside the pantry! Surely this must be it.
.
..
...
....
.....
....
...
..
.
Nope. Not coming from the pantry. We did find Cheerios, though.

But I hear it when I stand by the pantry! And I hear it when I stand by the minibar in the family room! And I hear it from the dining room but only some of the time! I hear it on the couch in the family room! But it's not loud! WHAT THE HELL.

Mensa Mama and Dad give up. They go to bed. Molly gives up and goes downstairs. Nack and grandparents do NOT give up because Nana is freaking out because she can't hear it.

NACK DISCOVERS THE SOURCE OF THE BEEPING.

It's the drawer fridge IN the minibar. There is a little light that should be green and it was red. We don't know WHY it was beeping but we think it was left open just enough that it sensed that the door was open and was reminding you to close it, but it was closed enough to muffle the sound of the alarm.

WE'RE NOT CRAZY (IN THIS SCENARIO)! REJOICE! 40 MINUTES LATER WE HAVE DISCOVERED THE BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP EVERY MINUTE FRIDGE-IS-KINDA-OPEN-ISH-ALARM!

Ridiculous.

I shall tell the rest of the story of my weekend in another post because this is long and words are hard sometimes. I should also maybe work on some homework...

I'll take History Can "S"uck It for 2000, Alex

My roommates and I have been really into forts lately.

Bex made my bed into a fort for my birthday. Then, Kristen made her bed into a fort because Yashka was jealous of MY fort because Yashka has a top bunk and Kristen made her own bed into a fort just to make sure Yashka knew how awesome forts are.
Oh and the forts are made of light blue streamers.

We have also been really into Wii Jeopardy lately.

We played eight rounds of Wii Jeopardy this weekend. Six of them were in one sitting that lasted well into the morning. There was much yelling and much rejoicing. We played a few with my mustache Mii but then we tried one with cat-shirt Jesus. And then he became lucky so we started to play ALL of the rounds with cat-shirt Jesus.

Kristen and I went to Presser twice (possibly thrice) this weekend and it was wondiferous. I don't know how or why she can handle me strugglebussing through various Gather book songs. I am almost done with Skyeescraper, though. I sort of play what's written but most of it is made up. I wrote some things down this time, though. Like a big girl. I finally nailed the bridge.

All of my pieces of technology decided to lose their respective shit this weekend.

Sforzando, my printer, no longer sucks in paper correctly. It tries to suck the paper in, then it shoots to the right and crumples and tries to print on the one corner of the paper that actually made it through. Over and over again. He has lost his shit.

Tiva, my laptop, has decided that my scroll thingie on the right side of the scroll pad is unnecessary. Some of the time. She also thinks that volume control is optional. She's fine after I make her take a nap, though. She too has lost her shit.

Dr. Addy, my phone, has decided that it no longer wants to send or receive picture messages. Just because he was jealous of Sforzando and Tiva for getting all the attention. He has lost his shit.

One of the Wii remotes (are they actually called wii-motes or did I make that up?) decided it would not charge on the charger unless I pushed down on it. Kind of like some games wouldn't start on N64 unless you blew on them then held them down, pushed a little bit forward, double-tapped the reset button, then turned the console off and on. Or was that just mine? It has lost its shit.

Trudy's okay, though. She has been very nice to me. She probably feels bad because her brother-husbands and sister-wives have lost their shit.

Things I have Learned this weekend:


- Alex Trebek's suit changes each round
- He looks good in charcoal
- Don't put the computer players on Expert
- Don't put the computer players on Expert and also put the questions on Expert
- Round 6 is much more difficult than Round 2
- All are Welcome is bullshit
- City of God is less bullshit but 6/4 time makes still a bit bullshit
- Kristen may or may not be my spirit animal
- Yashka is not allowed to have french vanilla cappuccino from Saga ever ever again
- It is possible to hurt yourself in your sleep
- The only kind of bad dancing involves lack of enthusiasm, not lack of talent
- I get a little bit weirder when Bex is gone
- It is possible to watch 3 hours of Animal Planet on mute if there are frolicking puppies and kitties
- Wearing rain boots will make it not rain
- Not wearing rain boots will make it rain
- Ames has children's books
- Technology does not respond to profanity

Out-of-context Quotes from the Weekend:


"My life has cats on it."

"You have a cool fort and everything...F*** YOU!"
"I have a fort too. Look!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOO"

"Oh so I can't say juicy-ass shorts but you can say GRINCH SOCKS"
"Yes because juicy-ass shorts is inappropriate."

"No, like, why would it even come up?!"
"Because you're weird. Arm-licking."
"IT WASN'T EVEN MY FAULT"

"I feel like I have stoner eyes..."
"Stone eyes?"
"No, stoner eyes"
"...What does that mean? Like you have stones in your eyes?!"

"I will only play Monopoly with my husband. It's like the lace shorts. Southern accent."

You Raise Me MEOW

Wins of the weekend:

Meeting my Kindergarten chillins

2 shirts from Old Navy for $1.97 each

Fusion Brew

Yummy Yummy Chicken + smoothie combo

Bex raising up a rank

Seeing a man who looked like Ricky Gervais at Bex's rank raising upping

Bible Jamz

Getting the wireless to work

Schnazberry

Drew Brees.

What the WTFs of the weekend:

Watching The Clique

2 hour dance party

3 hour bad singing party immediately following the 2 hour dance party

Singing Skyscraper a minimum of 5 times

Watching/listening to Yashu strugglebus Skyscraper a minimum of 5 times

Buying the sheet music to Skyscraper

Transposing the sheet music to Skyscraper

Going to Presser for 2 1/2 hours to work on Skyscraper

Meowing instead of singing to all the sheet music in my binder

Bible Jamz

Strugglebusses of the weekend:

Re-transposing Skyscraper in my head as I played it

City of God (still kicking my ass)

Bible Jamz

Realizing tomorrow is homework day.

Out-of-context Quotes of the Day:

"It was a f***ing rainstick of rosary beads."

"SQUAD"

"YES"

"OMG IT EVEN HAS QUAD IN IT"

"...I THOUGHT THAT WAS WHY YOU SAID IT"

"NO I WAS THINKING POLICE"

Glossary:

Bible Jamz- when Kristen and I go into a coffin-like practice room and I play the random Gather book songs and she has flashbacks

Schnazberry- Sam and Shanaynay's new fish (RIP Dante)

Yummy Yummy Chicken- chicken teriyaki from the mall food court Japanese place. Yummy Yummy Chicken originated at Randhurst (RIP Randhurst)

Drew Brees- 3 touchdowns and 419 yards (RIP Brian's ass)

Reptar Cicada

I regularly have conversations with inanimate objects. They're mostly one-sided conversations.

I also regularly have conversations with other things that can answer me. Kind of. Like the oven, the microwave, Tiva (my computer), chipmunks, squirrels, Max, various birds, and most small animals.

I went into the bathroom and I heard something chirping at me. I think it was a cicada but I can't be sure because I was dark out and I didn't really care that much. The window in the bathroom was open and I could hear it pretty well. I thought it was right outside the window so I walked over and leaned against the screen and said, "Hi. Why for you are running your mouth and/or legs?" (At the time I thought it was possibly a grasshopper but later decided against it)

It chirped back at me.

I said, "Oh. Well it's almost 9pm so I'm sure she'll come back soon."

It chirped back at me.

I said, "No, I did NOT say that. That is complete and utter bullshit."

It chirped back at me. Twice!

I said, "Lies. That squirrel has it in for me. He's just bitter because I didn't scatter a whole box of Nerds today."

It chirped back at me.

I said, "I don't know! Ask someone who's fluent in cicada!"

It didn't chirp back at me right away. But then it chirped back at me.

I said, "Fine. We're over. Goodbye."

Then I heard a toilet flush.

I may or may not have forgotten that other people could have been in the bathroom with me. This girl walks out, avoids eye contact as she washes her hands, and walks out the door without saying a word.

I also may or may not have been wearing my Reptar shorts.


Out-of-Context Quotes from the past few days:

"I NEED AN OBJECT."
"SHIH TZU MUG."
"PERFECT."

"I like the way you ask questions. You make it sound like you actually care."

"Question: Do you think in English or OH MY GOD A FUZZY CATERPILLAR"

Failing at Books

Saturday:

The drive down sucked. I drove through a torrential downpour (one of my favorite phrases) for over an hour and basically watched the tail lights of the guy in front of me. But it wasn't raining when I was bringing loads from Trudy to the Pfeif. Sidebar: I hope "the Pfeif" sticks...it's like the Fif (Fifi) and the Pfeif and they're the same but different like being twins but not!

Living in this QUAD (must be all caps, all the time) is going to be ridiculous and may have been the best worst idea we've ever had. We = Me, Bex, Yashka, and Kristen (who I might have decided to call Rizzi. Still working on it). It's a two-room QUAD, and we decided to put beds and dressers in the back room and desks in the front room. Pics later.

Biaggi's for dinner was a fantastic idea.

Sunday:

All moved in and 90% done with the arranging, rearranging, re-rearranging, shifting, pushing, taping, command stripping (less dirty than it sounds), swearing, adjusting, spider screaming-atting (+10 points to Shannon), buying, and decorating. I didn't do any plugging-inning. I left that to the pro (he got everything to work much faster than I could have!) I still have some pictures to stick up and maybe switching clothing locations. Mensa Mama's system makes too much sense so I might have to switch a few things just because I like a challenge.

We decided to go to the bookstore to get our books. I needed one book that I either missed on the list or it was added later (got the rest online). We KNEW the bookstore was closed on Sundays but we only remembered once we got there. Fail.

Monday:

8am Monday morning is a great way to start the week. Not.

Bookstore round two. The bookstore ALSO either missed the SAME BOOK on the list or it was added later so they don't have it. Did I mention it's the book I need to read for Wednesday? Double fail.

But my Ed class was canceled for today so I have time to do things. Like put up pictures and eat leftover Biaggi's and figure out my schedule. Win?

Out-of-Context Quotes from the Past Few Days:

"Things that go on the bottom are in the bottom drawer."
"That makes MUCH too much sense."

"OMG is that a garbage can?!"
"Yes. His name is Diego."

"Have you forgotten that I have continuous conversations with inanimate objects?"

"Dad: 2 Mice: 0"

"Can you do your imitation of Nack throwing up? I heard it's really good."

Molly: 0 Gather book: 1

So I made copies of some of my favorite music from the gigantic Gather accompaniment book (I wanted to say colossal but the alliteration won). And I thought, "Hey, this shouldn't be too bad...I vaguely remember learning 'I am the Bread of Life' and 'Hail Mary, Gentle Woman' pretty quickly and easily?"

Well, I may have miscalculated how long it actually took me to learn those two songs...

In other words, "CITY OF GOD" IS KICKING MY ASS.

But there's good news! Nack's pneumonia is almost gone! He only coughs up a little bit of phlegm now! And he has put pants on for a solid 4 days!

Out-of-context Quote of the Day:

"I had three pieces of melon and it's Day Two. I'm wearing my party pants."

Miscellaneous Wee Things

I FEEL OBLIGATED TO WRITE SOMETHING. HERE'S SOME LITT-O TINY STORIES.

Nack is sick. He has a fever and a nasty, phlegmy cough. He has also puked multiple times. Incredibly loudly. I will GLADLY demonstrate my imitation of it if you ask me. I need a little room to do it, though. The running in circles part is crucial.

Friday was my last day of camp. I don't know what I'm going do to with myself on Monday. Maybe I'll go to the painty place and paint another mug! I can add a Bones mug! It can be friends with my House mug and my Castle mug!

My "clean all the things" shirt shrunk in the wash. I gave it to Mensa Mama. She's wearing it today.

I got a Chopin CD from the library. It was last checked out in 1999. But this is a no judgment zone so it's okay.

Nack's fever is back as of 10 minutes ago. I shall avoid him.


Out-of-context Quotes From the Past Few Days:

"Meniscus feniscus! Do we have any needles?"

"I AM! I AM walking across the damn Grand Canyon!"

"He (the dog) was with me (Nack) when I hurled around 8."
"Then he came to see ME (Molly) around 8:10 to tell me Nack was all HBBLUHBLUBLUHBLUHLBB. It was a nice way to wake up."

"It's not torn! It's slightly perforated! Like a movie ticket."

Pizza Death

We went to Enchanted Castle for a field trip today. Enchanted Castle is a giant....castle. In a strip mall. Full of games. There's also mini-golf, laser tag, bumper cars, and a giant cage where you pretend to be a large hamster and crawl through tubes and climb things and smack your face on the ceiling approximately 5.5 times, but most importantly there are a ton of games.

Each of the kids got 20 tokens to play the games (use tokens, win tickets, trade tickets for less-than-impressive prizes) and a pass to play bumper cars, mini golf, and/or laser tag.

So of course they all blew through their 20 tokens in about 20 minutes.

Unrelated sidebar: I'm watching channel 116 which is the constant radar channel and the music that just came one on the background is giving me flashbacks to the hours I have spent with the thunder-fearing dog at 3am. We walked a lot of laps to these instrumentals that sound vaguely like other songs but not enough to name...but more on that later.

We were getting really hungry and we had lunch at 11:45. Pizza and pop was provided and I got really excited. Yay pizza! Too bad it was horrible. It was really the worst pizza I've ever had. It was plastic-y, cardboard-y, and I kind of felt like I was going to die.

It was pretty bad.

The end.

Out-of-context Quote of the Day (which was actually from yesterday):

Me: There's tiger paint in my hair, isn't there...
Camper: Yes.
Me: Excellent
Camper: If you rub it in you can't even see it!

New-to-you posts

Nack wanted me to put my little stories from Tumblr on here. Hokay.

1) So my brother is kind of a dumbass

and forgot a ton of stuff he needed to bring to some place to do some things tonight (I have no idea I wasn’t really listening). So he calls me as I’m on my way out of work and is like “I need my GPS, paper towels, Windex (it cures everything!) and some other stuff can you get it all together and bring it to Fifi’s house?” (Fifi is my nickname for his girlfriend. You’re all jealous, I know.) So I get all this shit together for him because I’m nice.

And I put it all in a bright pink bag.

And in addition to the things he needed I also added the remote to my old TV, two cottonballs, a container of dried-up whiteout, a bag of Fritos, an open bag of Strawbs (HARIBO!), and a shaken up can of root beer. Because I’m helpful like that.

Best sister ever? I think so.

2) I feel like Balto today.

Max (my dog) is afraid of storms. Terrified. He paces, pants, and whines. Most importantly, he sits on my chest and paws my face. He had been freaking out for two straight hours (it’s storming big time here) so my mother called the vet from work and asked if there was anything we could do. They gave us a prescription and I had to go pick it up because I’m the only one home. So I go out in the torrential downpour to get freaking dog drugs. It’s the dog equivalent of Xanax.

So instead of snow, I go out in the rain. Instead of getting drugs for a little girl, I’m getting drugs for a little sissy dog. And instead of the antitoxin for diphtheria, I’m getting freaking doggy Xanax. Also, I’m not a half-dog half-wolf.

But I still feel like Balto.

3) Story Time.

This just happened.

So I have a prospective student coming to stay with me tonight and tomorrow night. Cool. So I decide it would be a good idea to vacuum and clean and stuff. So I go get the dorm’s vacuum from the front desk. I turn it on. Vacuum for approximately 5 seconds.

…OH MY GOD IT SMELLS LIKE SOMETHING DIED. THIS VACUUM SMELLS LIKE IT IS FULL OF DEAD RATS OR SOMETHING.

I gag and barely contain myself as I turn it off. I had to hold my breath as I wrap up the cord because IT FREAKING SMELLS LIKE ROTTING SOMETHING.

So I take it back to the desk…and tell them it smells like it is full of dead rats. The girl at the desk is like, “Uhh…okay. I’ll let maintenance know?”

THANKS.

So I walk back to my room. As I come down the hallway, I realize the smell of dead rats (I’ve decided on dead rats) is getting stronger and stronger. I open my door. HOLY CRAP THE ENTIRE ROOM SMELLS LIKE DEAD RATS. SO BAD. So I frantically open the windows. Thank GOD I have a corner room so there’s 2 windows so I can get a cross breeze and get the unbearable stench out of the room. I was waving my arms back and forth like I was drying my nails trying to get the smell to GO AWAY but realized I was going to pass out because I can’t hold my breath and flail at the same time.

So I grab some body spray. Because we don’t have any air freshener. DIDN’T THINK WE’D EVER NEED IT.

I spray the entire room with body spray. I leave, go sit in the bathroom for a minute. I come back.

NOW IT SMELLS LIKE FLOWERS AND DEAD RATS.

Idea: wave the door back and forth! Get the air moving!

…Not so much.

Idea: wave a book back and forth! Get the air moving!

…Not so much.

Idea: SPRAY MORE SPRAY.

…Sort of working.

Okay, it’s working. A waving/spraying combo.

Moral of the story: SPLURGE AND BUY YOUR OWN FREAKING VACUUM.

Prepare for judgment stares.

Today was pajama day at camp. We all wore pajamas, brought pillows and stuffed animals, watched two movies, then went to the pool. I realized as I jumped out of the pool that I didn't really plan ahead and I had no regular clothes to wear on my way home from camp. Which wouldn't be a big deal except that to-day it is Fri-day (yesterday was Thursday) and on Fridays I go to Starbucks after camp. Well, shift. My options are a one-piece bathing suit, pink plaid pajama pants, a grey (gray? grey?) tank top, and a monster pink fluffy robe.

I asked my campers if they thought people at Starbucks would judge me if I wore pajama pants over my bathing suit. They said yes. But whatever. I'm not about to NOT go to Starbucks because I'm wearing ridiculous things. So I throw on my pajama pants.

And realize my bathing suit is still pretty wet. So now it looks like I peed my pajama pants. But whatever. I'm not about to NOT go to Starbucks because I'm wearing ridiculous things and may or may not have peed my pants.

So I go to Starbucks. And I walk up to the counter in my bathing suit with my pee pants and two pairs of glasses on my head (because I had my glasses and my sunglasses, duh) with my hair wet holding an empty reusable cup (savetheearth!) and there was a new guy at the register. Excellent. He looks at me and looks...confused. I simply say, "Rough day. Can I get an iced grande vanilla nonfat latte in this magic cup?" And he says, "Uhh...sure."

Poor dude.

Then my mother calls me as I'm driving home. She reminds me that I need to go to the butcher to get super special hot dogs. Fantastic! More stares of wonder and confusion! Except it doesn't seem to faze the butcher. I like his outlook on life.

Out-of-context Quote of the Day:

"His name is Diego Leon. He was adopted by lions as a baby."

I can has write blog?

I've decided to start a blog.

Why? Because I feel like I should write down many of the ridiculous things that happen otherwise I'll forget them.

Also this will be an excellent way to procrastinate once the school year starts up again.

Now that I think about it, it would have probably made a lot of sense to start this at the beginning of summer but WHATEVER.

I shall now make a new post with some fun facts.

Okay, maybe later.

Feel free to ignore me.